bound up in worry (2019)
Pierrot Ensemble
(Approximate Duration | 8’25’’)
Written after a confusing and stressful period in my life, I began to write this work as an outlet for expression. This piece also served as a personal challenge to compose for an unexplored and foreign instrumentation. Balancing the lines of programmatic and absolute music this music explores moments of polytonality, chromaticism, as well as finding release within a tonal center.
I decided to write a short poem to aid in the conception of this work. Throughout my life, I have always found myself asking questions about my own existence, value, and sense of perseverance. Eventually these questions heighten anxieties previously suppressed by thoughts of worth and reasoning. The poem is as follows:
Why can’t I live without feeling
Why can’t I trust more freely
Why can’t I show my affection more openly
Why can’t I sense emotional dangers
Why can’t I give more plentiful
Why can’t I find my deepest desire
Why can’t I hope for a change in character
I can compose a work
I can create a plan
I can move the iron
I can search for forgiveness
I can dream of a bright future
I can run from pain
But, Why…
The overall meaning of this is not to suggest that one should always ruminate on either positive or negative thoughts, however to take a more observationalist approach. To not be so bound up in worry and to view these thoughts as what they are, and nothing more. The final “But, Why” is to signify that fact that no matter how much we may rationalize these thoughts, we will always return to the question of, “Why?”. The structure of the poem helped to build the structure of certain sections within the work.
I decided to write a short poem to aid in the conception of this work. Throughout my life, I have always found myself asking questions about my own existence, value, and sense of perseverance. Eventually these questions heighten anxieties previously suppressed by thoughts of worth and reasoning. The poem is as follows:
Why can’t I live without feeling
Why can’t I trust more freely
Why can’t I show my affection more openly
Why can’t I sense emotional dangers
Why can’t I give more plentiful
Why can’t I find my deepest desire
Why can’t I hope for a change in character
I can compose a work
I can create a plan
I can move the iron
I can search for forgiveness
I can dream of a bright future
I can run from pain
But, Why…
The overall meaning of this is not to suggest that one should always ruminate on either positive or negative thoughts, however to take a more observationalist approach. To not be so bound up in worry and to view these thoughts as what they are, and nothing more. The final “But, Why” is to signify that fact that no matter how much we may rationalize these thoughts, we will always return to the question of, “Why?”. The structure of the poem helped to build the structure of certain sections within the work.